Town Hoods Do Have More Fun!
by TheGoofyCat
Summary: CHAPTER SIX UP! Ace and Eyeball have had enough of Castle Rock, Oregon. And the girls that roam the place, they decide to take a little road trip and what do you know...town hoods do have more fun! Both Ace and Eyeballs POV, bromance/humor/adventure/chaos and a bit of OC romance.
1. Eyeballs Plan

**_Disclaimer:_ **I own no one but plots.

_**Authors Note:** _Hey, so this has been in doc manager for ages and I felt like posting it, this was going to be called I get around but decided to name it this, not that anyone would remember but years ago I had a story on here called this so I decided to redo it, can't even remember the plot, lol, so this about Ace and Eyeball taking a roadtrip and meeting tons of girls. This story is inspired by the beach boys's I get around so if you want take a listen to the great song.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong><em>Town Hoods Do Have More Fun<br>by  
>TheGoofyCat<em>**

_***Mr. Eyeball Chambers p.o.v***_

God! I'm sick of this town. It seems like all I do these days is work, eat and sleep.

Don't get me wrong, I love the way this town is scared of me, I mean who wouldn't be scared of a hood?

The name's Eyeball, I got into a fight against my best bud when we were fifteen, he pinned me to the ground took his cigarette from his mouth and let it burn above my left eye, I didn't feel a thing, got a scar to prove it and that my friend is why they call me Eyeball, Eyeball Chambers.

This town is pretty slow paced for a guy like me, I need action, I need adventure, I need women and I mean _real_ women not the girls that swarm around this place, they're either too pristine and polished or a right skank, cock-knockers the whole lot of 'em! After awhile they get to know the real me and believe me that ain't a pretty sight and then they go around and tell all their little friends to stay away, there's only a certain amount of liquor you can pour down their throats so that they'll comply but it get's boring time and time again.

Same old shit, just a different day. Story of my life.

And don't get me started on the houses round here, there's hardly any mailboxes left in this place. I need new houses! We still haven't finished our last round of mailbox baseball and that just pisses me right off, why leave a game unfinished? It just makes it non-official! I'm no quitter, I play by the rules, my rules!

I need to get out but what I need to do first is find my buddy Ace.

Now Ace will tell ya that he's the big guy in this town, but he's full of shit, I'm the main man, don't let him fool ya.

Sure he might act all tough but I'm the one with all the brains, I came up with mailbox baseball and he provided the bats.

I ask. I get.

Now he just finished with his broad, Berty? Was it? Oh Betty, yeah Betty, should have seen the rack on that one, Jesus Christ! What a rack! I could use that as my pillow to sleep at night, course I've had Betty before, we all have, me, Ace, Vince, Billy. Every Tom, Dick and Charlie has had her, including Charlie Hogan.

I'm sure Ace wants some new fresh meat, something for him to sink his dick into, but he's not going to get it in Castle Rock. Hell I need a new girl, can only take a certain amount of Connie Palermo in one day. Billy Tessio will tell ya she doesn't put out but believe me, the right kind of guy? She spreads her legs like she's a fish in water, know's what to do with a mouth too. Catholic? Don't make me laugh...

That's my brother Chris over there.

Fuckin-twerps. The sight of my brother makes my blood boil, who does the cock-slapper think he is? He's the fucking Queen of Pansies. He might have took the body of Roy Crocker from us but we got the last laugh, broke the cock-jockers arm.

I'm getting bugged seeing the same faces day in day out.

There's a swimsuit competition down some beach in Cali and I'm going, I don't care if I have to hitch-hike, load of girls in swimsuits? That has Eyeball Chambers' name right on it, besides I heard the girls out there are pretty hip. I'm sure I don't have to hitch-hike though, Ace has the car. What? It's not my fault I totalled mine, that fire hydrant came out of nowhere! Anyway I don't see Ace turning down the chance, it's either make some new conquests or get slapped by your old ones, I know which one I'd chose.

"Hey, Ace?"

"What?"

I shoved the flyer into his hands. "Fancy tearing up California?"


	2. Aces Response

**Disclaimer: **I own no one but the random people they meet.

**Authors Note: **okay so here's the gist of this story, one chapter will be Eyeball talking and the next Ace, I was originally going to write just the first two chapters in their pov but I had so much fun I wanna write the whole story like that. hope they are in character, since I'm a girl it's kind of hard writing in a guys pov lol.

Thank you to **_JustAnotherGoofball, Guest, TheTrueMrsEdmundPevensie _**_and **CastleRockGirl** _for their awesome reviews.

Hope you enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>*Mr. Ace Merrill's pov*<strong>_

"Fancy tearing up California?"

Now there's a few things you should know about Eyeball Chambers.

One - The guy thinks he's the boss, I think he spends half his days thinking he owns the place, who's he kidding? I'm the boss.

Two - The guy's a freak. He gets way too angry about unfinished shit, he still talks about that fucking game of mailbox baseball we ain't finished, think he cries himself to sleep about it. I couldn't give a rats ass about whether or not we finish a game, just as long as I'm winning!

Three - He likes to chew his gum, if you like to call 'chewing' making the loudest noise humanly possible, yeah he chews. The guy's a fucking animal, I have to stop myself from taking my cigarette and shoving it in his face, but I ain't gonna waste another cigarette on him.

Four - His laugh. Fuck me! If you think the chewing is bad you haven't heard his laugh. Sounds like two tomcats in a brawl. I remember the time we were fifteen, we were tearing up the town, making mischeif and chaos. Eyeball decides to chew his gum, I told him, 'If you don't stop making that noise, I'll shove this here cigarette, right in your eye!' and the fucker didn't believe me! He laughs, that laugh and the next thing I know he's on the ground and I'm burning his eyebrow off.

You don't wanna mess with a town hood like me!

And here's the fifth thing about him, now this will probably be the only time I'll ever say anything nice about Eyeball Chambers.

Five - When he's your friend, he's your friend for life! I practically burnt the son of a bitch's eye off and I'm still his best friend, if that ain't a true friend, I don't know what is! I trust him with my life, me on the other hand, I wouldn't hesitate in throwing him to the wolves, given the circumstances.

I studied the flyer he handed me, what was this shit? Swimsuit competition? I frowned and looked up at Eyeball smirking.

"What do you say?" He grinned from ear to ear.

I took another look at the picture of a girl in a tiny bathing suit.

"Fine-fucking-rightly!" I joined his grin. California, here I come!

I was sick of this town and it's minions, I'm too good for this place, too good for the broads.

I need a chick who can handle me and my rod!

I grabbed my leather jacket as I joined Eyeball in my car, the dickweed was reading a fucking map! I grabbed the map out of his hands and threw it to the backseat. Ace Merrill doesn't need a map!

"What you do that for?" Eyeball whined.

"Don't need a map, idiot!" I scoffed. "I can get us to Cali no problem!" I grinned as I took out a toothpick and placed it in my mouth.

We were twenty miles out when I had enough of Eyeball singing to the radio and chewing his gum, so I turned it off and took the packet of gum from his hands and threw it outta the window. It was then I noticed we were near out of gas.

"Gimme your money," I stated as I noticed a gas station a couple of yards infront of us.

"What money?" Eyeball asked. "I don't have any!"

I slammed the breaks of the car, this asshole better be joking.

"You better be fucking kidding me, Eyeball!"

"I ain't."

What the fuck?

"Are you telling me you let me drive all the way to the next fucking county with no cash for gas or food?" I glared at him. "What are you gonna do eat your shoe?"

"I thought you had the money!" He exclaimed. Typical Eyeball, spends most of his time thinking shit. "I brought the map."

"Yeah 'cause the maps really going to get us to Cali-fucking-fornia!" I spat.

"Technically it will." He patronisingly told me in his whining voice.

"Technically I oughta shove it up your ass." I threatened and watched him gulp.

"What we gonna do?" Typical Eyeball again, says he's the one with the plans but at the end of the day it all comes down to me. I started the car up again and we soon pulled into the gas station.

"Get out, fill her up. and then get in the drivers seat." I commanded and watched him do as I say.

"We ain't got the money for the gas though." I heard him say to me, I know that assfuck! I walked into the store, grabbing a six pack of beer on my way to the cash register.

"Sonny, you better tell your friend to stub that cigarette out, he'll set this place alight." The old fart behind the counter told me.

I frowned and then looked out of the window and there was Eyeball filling up my baby with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

What a fucking 'tard!

All I could do was chuckle as I reached for the silver blade that sat in my back pocket.


	3. Curveball

_**Disclaimer:**_I own no one!

**Authors Note: **Here's an update, it's short but I like it, haha, I find writing Eyeball hilarious, he's so carefree and stoopid. Thank you to **JustAnotherGoofball, TheTrueMrsEdmundPevensie**, **CastleRockGirl**, **Chailyn Kamaria** and **LornaMerrill **for their reviews.

Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>*Mr. Eyeball Chambers pov*<strong>_

Man, I can't see what Ace's big problem is, I mean I never have money anyways, I always blow it on drink and shit, but he's making such a big deal of it, storming into the shop like he's on a mission, he really needs to calm down before he gets me killed.

He should be thankful that I had this great plan, it's gonna be an adventure and I can't fucking wait.

Right now he's staring at me through the window like I'm some kind of idiot, I know how to fill up a car dip-shit.

Ahh fuck! I got gasoline on my new shirt!

Anyway I figured Ace would be the one with the money and I would be the one with the plan.

What's he doing with that switch-blade? Shit I ain't ready to make a dash better stub this cigarette out!

"Get in the fucking car!" Ace comes out roaring and I got no time to finish what I started, I throw the nozzle to the ground with my cigarette and hop into the driving seat, Ace jumps into the seat next to me, there's no time to open doors.

Next thing I see is an old man running out of the store with a loaded shot gun in his hand! Jesus!

"Drive!" Ace commands and I start the car, the tyres screech on the ground and my hearts a racing, I still find the time to look through the rear view mirror and the place is engulfed with flames, I really should have stubbed that cigarette out!

I chuckle with laughter as I see what's in Ace's hands, wads of cash! Jackpot! Hell yeah!

"Told you I'd sort it." Ace grins, adrenaline rushing through his voice and I let out a 'Woooo' and we're on our way, he cracks open two cans of beer and passes me one, there's no designated driver in our gang.

"Man, I really wish we bought Billy or Vince, right now would be a perfect time for a game of baseball," I comment as we drive through a town filled with posh cars and even posher mailboxes! "We could have finished what we started!"

"When you gonna forget about that god-damn game? It's been five years!" Ace rolls his eyes at me as he downs his drink and throws the empty can at a mailbox, hitting it right in the middle.

"Holy shit, Ace! You're a genius!" I grin.

"What you talking 'bout?" He looks at me.

"Pitch and Park!"

"Pitch and what?" He grunts.

"Pitch and Park! Instead of batting we pitch! Holy shit this is genius! We don't need no bat all we need is beer," I grin, my mind thinking of the rules and regulations.

"What the fuck you talking about?" He grunts again as he slumps back in his seat.

I sigh as I tell him the details. "Instead of hitting mailboxes with bats we throw beer cans," I grin. "You up for it my friend?"

"Whatever," He scoffs as he downs another can of beer and passes me the empty can. "It's going to be a long drive." He sighs and I'm not sure if he's talking to me or to himself.

One hand on the wheel the other holding the can, I throw it at the 'Renalds' mailbox and score a perfect pitch. "Instead of Eyeball they should call me Curveball!" I tell Ace

"More like they should call you Eye-Got-No-Balls Chambers." He insults me and I laugh.

"Cock-knocker!" I insult back.

"Damn straight!" He grins, what does he mean by that? Before I got time to ask he hits me square in the nuts! Fuck it hurts! He chuckles and grabs his third beer and passes me mine.

Damn! We're going to be drunk before the sun goes down.

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><p>Next chapter features a furry friend...<p> 


	4. Ace's Pickle

_**Disclaimer:**_I do not own Ace and Eyeball *cries*

_**Authors** **Note:** _Thought I'd make up for the short chapter last time by updating fast. To anyone reading My Baby Shot Me Down I'm sorry for not updating in a while, I'm working on it but I'm kinda stuck for the last chapters have the ideas but I'm stuck on how to put them from mind to computer anyone feel they can help feel free to pm me.

Thank you to **TheTrueMrsEdmundPevensie,** **Mariiem, JustAnotherGoofball,** **CastleRockGirl **and **Chailyn Kamaria, **for their awesome reviews.

Enjoy! I'm loving the bromance between Ace and Eyeball!

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><p><em><strong>*Mr. Ace Merrills pov*<strong>_

Eyeball had been driving for five hours by the time we were on our fifth game of 'Park and Pitch' or whatever he calls it, why didn't he just call it what it is? Mailbox Baseball! Idiot! Anyway I got sick of him telling me he was going to beat me, which of course he didn't, who's he kidding? He ain't fooling no one.

I needed a leak so I told him to park up somewhere, it was my turn to drive, if I'm telling the truth? I was just glad to get out and stretch my legs, Eyeball ain't the best driver in the world and I worry about my life being in his dumbass hands.

He's the only kid in town to total a car before a game of chicken even starts. He says the fire-hydrant came out of nowhere, but we all know he can't park for shit!

I buckled up my belt and got into the front seat, ready to go, it was near midnight and I decided it would be best if we found a motel to crash the night, there was no point arriving in California before the sun comes up anyway.

What's taking him so long? I swear if he gets his zipper stuck on his balls again I'm gonna scream, I ain't gonna help him this time, last time had been traumatic enough. Eye-Got-No-Balls more like Black-And-Blue-Balls, but that's a story I never wanna think about again.

My hands grip the steering wheel tight and he appears out of a bush but he's not alone.

"What the fuck is that?" I spit out my toothpick as I look at the three legged dog he has in his hands.

"It's a dog!" He grins.

"I know that, asshole. But what's it doing in your hands?" I grunt.

"I found it whimpering in the bushes, he's cool, wait it is a he right? I don't do 'Bitches',"

"Why don't you check?" I ask with a smirk, he then lifts the dog up and checks for it's dick and I'm praying to God it pisses right in his face.

"Yeah it's a he, can we-"

I cut him off before he can even say it, "No fucking way."

"C'mon, Ace!" He pleads, his left eye blinking as he puts the mutt on the floor.

"I ain't having that scruff-ball messing up my back seat." I frown, I ain't having two things stink up my car, Eyeballs breath is as bad as I like it to get.

"He can have my jacket to sit on,"

"What about food?" I ask, I ain't paying for it.

"He can have my scraps!" Eyeball smirks as the dog licks his hand. Shit! That's a first, Eyeball willing to give up his food! That'll be the day! "You still got that left over burger from dinner, he can have that for now." He grins again. "What do you say, man?"

I let out a sigh knowing this ain't gonna be a good idea, but hell I'll go along with it just to watch Eyeball suffer.

He let's out annoying laugh and I watch him take off his jacket and throw it at the back-seat, he grabs the scruffy looking thing and places it on the jacket, I can smell it already, damn there ain't no turning back now, Eyeball's already in the car.

He grabs the left over burger that I didn't finish and gives it to the thing, the noise it makes is almost as bad as Eyeballs chewing!

I start the car again.

"What we gonna call him?" Eyeball asks as he leans over and the dog licks his face. "What about Butch?"

"More like Pussy." I drive away as he spends the next fifteen minutes thinking of names for the little shit.

"Eyelash? Scruffydoodle? King-Pin-Tin? Peg Leg? Ahh, man. There's too many."

"I got one...shut the fuck up!" I smirk, shutting him up immediately. "How the hell you gonna look after this thing anyway, Eyeball? You can't even look after your own finger let alone a dog."

"I will," He protests. "If Billy can look after a baby, it'll be pretty damn easy." I give him a scoff, Billy Tessio, the kid stupid enough to get his girl knocked up from the first time.

"Suppose it's good practise for you, when you put a bun in some sluts oven."

"That ain't never gonna happen." Eyeball chuckles.

"Why?" I know Eyeball never uses a rubber.

"'Cause I'm smarter then that, everyone knows the pull out method works." I roll my eyes at him, how does he think Connie got pregnant in the first place! "How long till we find a motel, I'm wrecked."

"Couple of miles." I yawn, we drive in silence.

"Hey, Ace?"

"Yeah?"

"Think I know a name for the dog!"

"What is it?"

"Mr. Pickles."

"Why's that?"

"Because he just threw one up all over your back seat!"

I'm gonna kill that damn dog and I ain't talking about the one with fur!

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><p>Lol I'm cracking myself up just thinking of Ace's face! Next chapter features Ace and Eyeballs first experience with girls from out of town...(to those who PM'd me a character, you will just have to wait and see if it's yours, hehe)<p> 


	5. Eye Don't See It

_**Authors Note:** _Here's chapter five! Wooo! I hope you like it.

Big thank you to **LornaMerrill, CastleRockGirl, TheTrueMrsEdmundPevensie **and **JustAnotherGoofball. **

Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>*Mr. Eyeball Chambers pov*<strong>_

Ahh, man! I'm having a blast, well aside from having to clean the dog barf, it's been a pretty swell time. Ace is kind of a jerk, the asshole gets to sleep in a cosy bed in the motel and I'm stuck here in the back-seat of his car, he tells me I'm on, 'Car watch!' Whatever the fuck that means! I can hardly sleep I'm that excited and it looks like Mr. Pickles is too, he can't stop humping the front seat, shit! Better not tell Ace what he's doing, he'll shoot him before sunrise.

After curling myself into a ball and closing my eyes, I start to dream of all the pussy we're gonna get, these girls in California better watch out for Eyeball Chambers!

"Get up!" I hear as something heavy is thrown into my face, I open my good eye to see Mr. Pickles tail in my face.

"Damn, Ace! Why you throw the dog in my face?" I yawn as I run my hands through my hair, I look at my best bud and his hair is styled to perfection, Ace was and still is an early riser, spends half of his days looking at himself through a mirror. "I am starving, I can eat a fucking duck!"

He rolls his eyes at me as he gets into the driving seat, I somehow muster strength to pull myself into the passenger side at the front and before I have time to compose myself we shoot off.

"Jesus! Slow down will ya?" I tell him. "I was hoping to use the bath."

"Yeah, well we won't be going back there any time soon." Ace grins, my left eye twitches.

"What do you mean?"

"I ain't wasting our money on motels, it needs to be spent wisely," Ace states, so I'm taking it as he didn't pay for his night in a clean bed. Ace grins at something and we pull up to a joint with motorbikes parked out front. "Like beer!" He tells me as he puts on the break and gets out of his car.

"This time of morning?" I groan, I don't mind drinking early but I really would have liked to take a dump first!

"Just get out of the fucking car! And tie that three legged shit to a pole!" Ace commands as he coolly steps up the stoned path and he disappears into the bar named 'Rex's'.

I do as I was told and step through the door joining him.

Smoke surrounds me everywhere and it quickly reminds me I haven't had my morning cigarette so I get out my packet and light one up. Ace is sitting at the bar and I join him.

"Here have a slammer!" Ace passes me a shot glass.

"Fuck!" I sniff the hard liquor and then down it, I'm a Chambers and Chambers know how to shoot whiskey at ten in the morning! "So what's on the list today, my friend?"

"Cali-fucking-fornia!" Ace smirks as he slams his glass down on the deck and gets up from his stool. "But first we need to make a few more bucks!"

Ahh, shit! What's he gonna do this time? I watch as he walks over to a pool table and starts talking to some beer belly balled man. I go to join him and I notice a pair of long legs in the distance. My mouth forms an 'O' if we weren't on busy time I'd be in the store cupboard feeling those legs up!

I listen in to Ace's conversation with the pig like man. "Listen, kid. We don't have time for small time hoods like you." Ol' baldy laughs. "Bet you can't even break a game."

"Wanna bet?" Ace smirks as he takes out the wad of cash.

"Alright, I'm in." Pig man grins.

I take a seat this won't take long, Ace always wins! A few moments later old porky gives up and hands his cash to Ace, I give the old guy an 'Oink. Oink.' as he walks past me and he shoots me a glare and I chuckle in return, nobody messes with Eyeball Chambers!

Ace smugly counts the money. "Any takers?" He calls out. And I notice this place is pretty crowded for this early in the morning.

"I'm in!" A voice called out and soon appears in our view.

It was the girl with the legs and I give her a wolf-whistle, which she ignores! Prude!

"I don't play against girls," Ace grins. "It doesn't feel right taking money from a purse! Isn't that right, Eyeball?" He asks me as he stands up one hand in his front pocket and the other holding his cue stick.

"Well it's your luck day because I don't play against town hoods either!" She smirks, who does this chick think she is? "I'm Sandra." She tells him.

"Well Sandra-dee, show me what you can do, I like to know who I'm up against." Ace confidently smirks.

I go to the bar and get myself a drink and return, Susan? Was it? Is leaning over the pool table and I catch Ace doing what I'm doing, checking out her ass! She slips and pots the wrong ball.

"It's like taking candy from a baby!" Ace chuckles into my ear.

"The only candy I wanna take from her is in those shorts!" I chuckle.

"That all you think about?" Ace laughs and then walks over to her and takes the cue stick out of her hand and I know for a fact that's all Ace thinks about too!

I lean back as I sit on a stool, bored out of my mind and all I can think about is those girls in the tiny bathing suits! I can feel the tightness in my jeans. Shit! Better cross my legs.

Turns out the girl did know how to shoot pool and she was just playing us from the start.

_Fact One - Chicks that aren't from Castle Rock know how to hustle._

A while later the girl shrieks and my head shoots up. "That wasn't a foul!" She frowns and crosses her arms.

"It was!" Ace simply states as he places a toothpick in his mouth and I can tell he's lying.

"You owe me that money!"

"I don't owe you shit!" Ace scoffs as he takes her money and ours and puts it into his back pocket, I get up and stand beside him.

"Honey, If Ace tells you that it was a foul, you better bet your candy ass it was." I grin, I always got Ace's back.

"You thieving hoods!" She glares at me.

"Well town hoods do have more fun!" I wink at her and me and Ace turn to each other and laugh as she grabs her purse and storms off.

"That was a lot easier then I thought it would be," Ace commented, watching her leave out of the front door. "Usually bitches never stop yapping! Come on, let's go!"

"Al-fucking-right, but I gotta take a dump first!" I state as I walk to the scummy toilet. I soon finish and Ace is not in the bar, I find him outside. I go and get Mr. Pickles who is humping the pole and untie him.

"Tell me, Eyeball! What do you see?" Ace questions me.

I look around, confused. "I don't see anything," I grumble, what the hell is he talking about!

"Exactly!" Ace spits the toothpick out.

It takes me a while to figure out what we were looking for and my eyes grow wide.

"The car!" I spit out. "Someone's taken the car!"

"I bet it was that bitch!" Ace says through gritted teeth. "She's dead!"

"You know what they say, Ace!" I sigh as I scratch my head. "Never trust a woman scorned."

"It's hell have no fury like a woman scorned, dick-shit!" Ace rolls his eyes at me.

"You really think Susan stole our ride?" I gulped.

"Who the fuck is Susan?"

Poor Ace, he really is losing it. "Susan. The broad we took the money from."

"It's Sandra you fucking idiot." Ace shakes his head. "Now how are we going to get my fucking car back?"

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><p>Mwhahahahaha! Poor Ace, the character Sandra (or as Eyeball thinks Susan) belongs to CastleRockGirl. I had fun writing this chapter, hope you guys don't think I'm writing Eyeball too stupid, he's comic-relief lol Review! Next chapter Ace's pov and you'll just have to wait and see if he gets his car back ;)<p>

P.s By the way I do know it's 'Hell hath' not 'hell have' but I figured Ace wouldn't know lol.


	6. Dude, Where's My Car?

**Authors Note: **Hey sorry for the delay, but I think this makes up for it (I'm cracking myself up with Ace's dialogue, hope you think he's in character) I'm really enjoying their bromance and if any one reading this is interested in Ace/Eyeball slash I have a fic up that's in the M section (advertising my own fics, it goes downhill from here, next I shall put up posters ;)

Anyway big thank you to **CastleRockGirl, JustAnotherGoofball **and **TheTrueMrsEdmundPevensie, **means a lot to me and sorry for the delay and shortness of this chapter.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>*Mr. Ace Merrill p.o.v*<strong>

Wait! Did I really say 'We'? That shit's not funny.

"Shit, man! What we gonna do?" Eyeball asks me as he scratches his chin and then proceeds to scratch his head.

"Correction! What are you going to do!" There, that's better. Now is definitely the time for a cigarette.

"What do you mean?" He scratches his head even more. This dweeb is really starting to bug me.

"Well you were on car watch!" I sigh. Not only have I lost my car I've run out of smokes too! Some trip this is turning out to be and it's all Eyeshits fault. "So it's only fair you get it back."

"Dude, I ain't the one who pissed off the broard!" He's really pushing my buttons. "Besides how the hell will I know where she went?"

"Well find out!"

I was about to grab him by the scruff of his shirt when the old fatty from the bar interrupted me.

"I know where your car went, boys! I'll tell ya, but it'll cost ya!" He smiles at us, smug son-of-a-bitch is gonna get what's coming to him. "So how much you got?"

I stepped forward slightly pushing Eyeball away. "Now correct me if I'm wrong, Eyeball, but is this asshole bribing me?"

"I think he is, Ace." Eyeball chuckles knowing fully well what happens to anyone who tries to out smart me.

"Now I don't take too kindly to people trying to piss me off. But I'll let it pass, all you gotta do is tell me where my car is and I'll let you live." I give the old shit a smile back.

"And if I don't?" He stands tall as I walk over to him, grab the cigarette that was in his hands and snap it in half.

"Do you really want to find out? You know, Eyeball? A cigarette just doesn't cut it when I feel like breaking something."

"I know, man. But what else is there?" I can't see Eyeball but I know he's smirking, say what you want about the guy but he always has my back.

"I dunno! Maybe this guys fingers!" I grab the guys hand and hold tightly onto his index and middle finger, he winces in pain as I crush his sausage like fingers.

Twenty seconds later he spills the beans and he even kindly lends me his car.

"Shit, Ace! This is one hunk of junk!" Eyeball mutters my thoughts. "It looks just like my totalled car, hell, even worse!"

"Yeah, well it'll do." I grunt as I get in the car and watch as he places the dog in the back and gets in the front. "Buckle up, Eyeball, I'm about to floor this piece of shit."

"I don't do safety belts. Besides how fast can this go?" Asshole doesn't even know that underneath the rusty bonnet is a pretty fucking good engine.

"How about I test this motherfucker out!" I push my foot hard on the accelerator and we speed off leaving smoke behind.

Eyeball is also handy at directions, fucker remembers every left and right you tell him. So as he tells me to turn a left I notice he didn't put his belt on so I smirk as I push down hard on the breaks and his head hits the dash and all I hear is a crunch.

"Ahh, fuck. Think you broke my goddamn nose!" He winces in pain as he holds his bloody nose.

"Well now it matches your face." I chuckle before adding. "Told ya to buckle up."

"Cock-kisser!" He mutters under his breath and fucked up nose. I start the car again and we drive in silence, I can hear him snort as he tries to fix his nose.

"Wait! That's the house! Over there!" He points at the house with a black door, that old porky kindly informed us that Sandra lived in. "Who knew she lived in a palace like that. Shine my hat and call me Cinder-fucking-Rella."

I roll my eyes at him as I make the car come to a hault, this time he has his seat belt on, asshole! I get out of the piece of shit not caring how hard I slam the door, I practically break the door in half, sure enough my car is in the driveway. I light up a cigarette as I walk over to my car, not only did porky give me his car but his pack of Camels too, ain't that nice?

I hear Eyeball whistle for Mr. Tickles to go fetch something but all I can think about is my baby, I take a look at the wheels, if that bitch has busted a tyre I'll be busting her face. My eyes go to the chrome bumper and I notice a dent, that's it! Nobody crashes Sylvia and gets away with it!

I click my fingers for Eyeball's half-assed attention.

"C'mon, man. She's fucking dead!"

"Wait a minute! Mr. Pickles is taking a crap," He chuckles. "Right on this bitches lawn!"

Maybe this three legged thing ain't so bad!

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><p>Sylvia! Haha it was too good to resist! Review!<p> 


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